There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who have a way with words and those who have not way.
There are two types of people in the world: those with long attention spans and those with — hey there’s something shiny over there!
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who keep secrets and… well, I can’t tell you the other kind.
As a psychologist, I have a theory that there really are two kinds of people. Of course, this is a huge generalization, with some folks flipping between the poles, and others in the middle somewhere, not sure which way to move. Nevertheless, here it is: there are those who take responsibility for their actions, and those who blame others.
Think about this with me. I have had severely depressed clients who had an underlying belief that they were not good enough. They thought everything they did was wrong, and even their depression was their own fault.
These people can be helped. Because they believe that the problems they face are of their own making, they also believe that making changes can make a difference. They are motivated to change, and use their responsibility for their own good.
It is much harder to treat someone who takes no responsibility for their actions. They often end up with a character disorder or personality disorder diagnosis, which are notoriously hard to treat. These are the blamers, the finger-pointers, the people who go through life with the idea that everyone is working against them. This group will resist trying to change, because they believe they have nothing to change. It is always someone else who needs to change, because the other person is to blame.
Individuals diagnosed with Antisocial Personality Disorder show a persistent pattern of blaming others for their actions, not taking responsibility, and violating social norms. They lie, get into legal trouble, and frequently hurt others without remorse. You might hear them say, “Everyone does this,” or “the system is rigged against me.”
In Narcissistic Personality Disorder there are some similarities, but the main focus is protecting their unreasonable self-image. These people have difficulty admitting mistakes, and blame others when something goes wrong. These responses are a defense mechanism against shame or feelings of inadequacy.
I can’t diagnose anyone from a distance, but it is interesting to look at some of the patterns that show up in the news.
Donald Trump
After losing the 2020 presidential election, he immediately began saying “This election was rigged,” and he has never let up. He blames external fraud for his loss.
Boris Johnson
In England, when the rest of the country was prohibited from having indoor gatherings due to COVID, Johnson’s party was holding meetings and dinners. His excuse was basically, “No one advised me that this was illegal.” This is an attempt to put the responsibility on others.
Elizabeth Holmes
In a massive fraud against investors and the scientific community, Holmes touted a breakthrough technology to run hundreds of tests on a single drop of blood. When the deception was uncovered, she said it wasn’t her fault because she had relied on the advice from her team. Again, this is trying to shift responsibility.
Sam Bankman-Fried
When Bankman-Fried was caught shifting money between two different companies to cover his losses, he said, “I didn’t knowingly commingle funds.” He was trying to say that he didn’t intend to hurt anyone, and was essentially saying this is all a big mistake. Nobody bought his explanation.
These are just a few examples. Whenever something goes wrong, it’s usually pretty easy to see who is taking responsibility and who is trying to blame.
Clinical observations
You might recognize a few defense patterns that are in play here:
Externalization - something else caused this; not me
Minimization - this was just a small glitch; no big deal
Lack of intent - I didn’t mean for this to happen
Diffusion of responsibility - It was those other guys
Self-serving bias - If it was good, I’ll take credit, but if it was bad, then it was some external force
Moral disengagement - actions are reframed to reduce guilt
It seems to me that this is a valuable way to look at our political candidates. Everyone makes mistakes. Will they own up to them?
