Respect
Where has it gone?
At the risk of sounding really old, I am concerned about the rudeness that appears seemingly everywhere in modern America. I’m not talking about freedom of speech, or inappropriate clothing, or wacky attempts at humor.
I’m focusing on behavior, and a lack of respect. This was demonstrated during the last two State of the Union addresses when members of the audience yelled out “Liar!” during the speech. It can be seen in classrooms across the nation, where kids are talking back to their teachers, on airplanes where passengers refuse to follow instructions, or at youth sporting events where parents are verbally abusing volunteer umpires and referees. Some restaurants now charge for reservations to ensure that diners show up, and servers are often treated poorly. It’s also a factor in police brutality and the treatment of refugees. All of this shows a basic lack of respect.
There are two basic definitions of respect: the first is a feeling of admiration, usually based on the abilities or achievements of another. We might respect the athleticism of Michael Jordan, or the acting ability of Meryl Streep. The second definition refers to behavior, and is the focus of this post. This type of respect is having due regard for the feelings, rights, and traditions of another.
In order to show due regard, we have to have some understanding of those with whom we are interacting. If we don’t know that cows are sacred in India, we won’t be able to show them the proper respect. This same kind of understanding is needed for all those who don’t share our traditions. To operate with respect, we need both education and empathy.
When we are aware that we aren’t familiar with the situation in which we find ourselves, it makes sense to be more polite than usual. This will usually reduce the number of social mistakes that we make, and thus improve the respect that we are showing. Of course, in order to use this strategy, one must understand how to be polite in the first place.
There will be some who say that not everyone deserves respect. The 18th century German philosopher, Immanuel Kant, argued that all persons deserve respect simply because they are human. This has become a core element of modern humanism. It is also stated another way in Christian circles as all deserve respect as all are children of God. In the Declaration of Independence, we say “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all [men] are created equal…” It is a fundamental concern if this is no longer considered self-evident.
It is often a lack of respect that fuels animosity between opponents. This is true of politicians, countries, sports teams, and many others. While mutual respect will not eliminate all disputes, it may allow for more fruitful communication between the parties.
One of the most significant differences from the past in our political discourse is a profound lack of respect. This is not to say that insults were not hurled in the past. But there was a shared understanding that a certain amount of respect was due to an elder, or one who had labored in a job for a long period, or one who had been promoted to a high position. Now four star generals, or anyone who disagrees with the administration, are treated like something to wipe off your shoe.
We recognize a problem in our children when they show a lack of respect to authority or even to other kids. We applaud efforts to try to teach them respect, and we reinforce these efforts by telling them that they should obey their teachers and respect their elders. A little later in life, this seems to get lost.
How do we develop this basic value? There have been programs designed with respect as a principle tenet, and they have been used successfully in organizations around the country. Unfortunately, these are diversity, equity, and inclusion programs, which are now out of favor in our government. They seek to promote the fair treatment and full participation of all people, particularly groups who have historically been underrepresented or subject to discrimination based on identity or disability. One of the things that they teach is respect for differences. Now even these important teachings aren’t getting any respect.
