The new martial arts student is frustrated. He is throwing punch after punch, and not one of them lands. Then the Sensai seemingly effortlessly grabs the student’s wrist and he is thrown head over heels. The student looks up to see the Sensai smiling. “Be like water,” says the teacher. What sounds like a lesson in fighting is, in truth, a profound lesson in living.
The martial artist and actor Bruce Lee famously said,
“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
Lee said this during the taping of the TV show Longstreet in 1971. It has been abbreviated to “Be like water,” but the meaning stands — be flexible and adaptable rather than rigid.
“Water is the soft thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth. This shows clearly the principle of softness overcoming hardness.” — Lao Tzu
For Bruce Lee, “Be Like Water” was a way to describe a style of martial arts that made it difficult for an opponent to harm you, but was reactive and took advantage of opportunities or openings as they developed. Lee developed the Jeet Kune Do (JKD) martial art, which is a mix of many other styles, including Wing Chun, Jujitsu, boxing, and others. JKD is known for its adaptability in different situations.
But Lee was also a philosopher. “Be Like Water” is the concept that resilience is built by being flexible and adaptable. One of the reasons that we named our private practice The Willow Wellness Center is that Willow trees are flexible and survive storms when other more rigid trees are broken.
Flexibility and adaptability can be taught, and creativity can be employed to find new ways around obstacles in life. Cultivating open-mindedness can open new ways to approach problems and discover solutions.
Psychological research shows that flexibility is a key component of resilience. (George Bonanno, 2004) Adaptation under pressure leads to better outcomes than avoidance (see my article Avoiding Avoidance). Our world is changing so rapidly that we will all encounter new challenges that we will need to navigate. (AI, anyone?) We can either adapt or put our collective heads in the sand and ignore the changes, with the problems associated with avoidance.
There are a variety of ways that we can intentionally develop resilience.
Connect.
Relationships with supportive people can provide you with a system that will give you some much needed perspective and some new ideas in the midst of a stressful time. Sometimes you also just need to talk — to say the problem out loud. This can help you to think things through in a new way.
Look out for number one.
Taking care of yourself is one of the most important things we can do when we are under the gun. Think about all the things that you already know to be helpful — eat right, get your sleep, drink plenty of water, and exercise. Go even a little further toward self-care by journaling, meditating, or praying.
Do the right stuff.
When you help others, you improve your own sense of purpose. It may be tempting to sit in front of the television when you are stressed, but accomplishing a goal — even a small one — is an incremental movement in the right direction. It is like water moving around a rock, continuing its flow forward.
Develop acceptance.
There are some things that happen to us that we just can’t avoid or change. During these times, creativity and intention can help us to navigate paths that we didn’t expect to take. Before we can move on, however, we have to accept the change that has occurred, and stop denying it or fighting against it. Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Use Your Resources.
One of the hardest things for some of us (and by us I mean me) is to ask for help. We all like to think that we can handle things on our own. When we get stuck, or when we don’t feel like we are making as much progress as we would like, it makes sense to get some outside assistance. Accepting help from others can also give you the additional strength that you need to continue in the face of adversity.
Life will keep throwing rocks in your path. The choice is whether to crash against them or flow around them. Don’t let them stop you. Be like water.
