[Electronic voice] Welcome to Verizon. Are you calling about the number that you are calling from today?

> Yes.

How can I help you today?

> I would like to cancel my Hulu bundle.

I would be glad to help you with that. In order to verify your account, I will be sending you a text message. Please open the message, click the link, and press allow. Then submit.

> Okay. [I clicked and allowed and submitted.]

Thank you for verifying your account. [A live person gets on the line.] Let me put you on hold while I pull up your account.

> Sure.

[3 minutes pass.]

Hello. Thank you for your patience.

I have looked at your account, and the Hulu bundle that you are currently subscribed to is a no-fee perk from Verizon.

> Right. I would like to cancel that subscription.

The subscription is free. It is a part of your account.

> I understand, but I want an ad-free version of Hulu, and Hulu tells me that the account must be cancelled by Verizon in order to change my plan.

I see. Let me put you on hold while I look into this.

[5 minutes pass.]

Mr. Campbell?

> Yes.

I cannot find a way to cancel only part of your current plan. Let me put you on hold while I research this a little more.

> Okay.

[Muzak starts to play. After 2 minutes, the call is disconnected. I called back.]

[Electronic voice] Welcome to Verizon. Are you calling about the number that you are calling from today?

> Yes.

How can I help you today?

> I would like to cancel my Hulu bundle.

I would be glad to help you with that. In order to verify your account, I will be sending you a text message. Please open the message, click the link, and press allow. Then submit.

> Okay. [I clicked and allowed and submitted.][Pause. A live person gets on the line, with a thick Indian accent.] I cannot complete this operation without the authorization of the Primary Account Holder.

> I am the primary account holder. I am calling from my number on the account.

I’m sorry, but that number is not listed as the primary account in our system.

> Wait a minute. I’m the owner of the account. I’ve already been disconnected from your system, and the other agent was able to verify my account.

That may be the problem. Your account may still be open.

> Okay, but that’s a problem on your end, not mine.

Can you please give me your account number?

> Sure. [I read my account number.]

I’m sorry sir, but this number is not listed as the primary account in our system. If you can just get the primary account holder on the line …

> Can I speak to your supervisor?

Yes, sir. Let me put you on hold while I locate a supervisor for you.

> Fine. [5 minutes pass.]

Sir?

> Yes?

Our supervisors are all working with other customers. Would you like me to have the system give you a call back in one to two hours?

> No. I’ll wait.

Yes, sir. Please stay on the line. [4 minutes pass.]

Sir?

> Yes.

Thank you for your patience. Our supervisors are still busy. Please give me two more minutes.

> Okay.

[4 minutes pass.]

Hello?

> Yes?

Thank you for staying on the line. It will still be a little while before a supervisor is available. Can you give me your account number again please?

[I give my account number.]

That number is still not registering in my system, and I won’t be able to help you until the account is verified.

> I thought you were finding a supervisor.

Yes, but we still need to verify your account.

> [Now I’m mad.] Okay, forget it. I’ll call back later.

But sir, we can have the system call you back …

> No thanks. Good-bye!

[I hang up, and then I called back, trying to get someone who could verify the account.]

[Electronic voice] Welcome to Verizon. Are you calling about the number that you are calling from today?

> Yes.

How can I help you today?

> I would like to cancel my Hulu bundle.

I would be glad to help you with that. In order to verify your account, I will be sending you a text message. Please open the message. Click the link and press allow. Then submit.

> Okay. [I clicked and allowed and submitted.]

Thank you for verifying your account. [A live person gets on the line.] Let me put you on hold while I pull up your account.

> Sure.

[3 minutes pass.]

Hello. Thank you for your patience. I understand you would like to cancel your Hulu bundle.

> Yes.

I don’t believe we can cancel that, as it is part of your account.

> Hulu tells me that you have to cancel the account, as I am paying for the service through you. All I really want is to get the no-ads version of Hulu, but they won’t let me change my subscription until you cancel the old one.

Ok, let me look into that.

[3 minutes pass.]

Hello?

> Yes?

Thank you for remaining on the line. I have looked into this, and we are not able to cancel only a portion of your account.

> But …

In order to cancel the subscription, we can either change you over to a new cellular plan, or cancel your cellular plan. Can I tell you about our available plans?

> But I don’t really want a new plan. I just want you to cancel this free subscription.

Yes, but I am not able to do that. If we set you up with a new plan, then this perk will be automatically cancelled.

> [Deep breath.] Okay, tell me about your new plans.

[I switched to a cheaper plan, and got rid of my bundle. Then I was able to get onliine with Hulu and get a no-ads version of the channel so that we could watch The Bear without an ad every three minutes. I think I ended up actually saving a little money, even though it cost me a little sanity.]

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So now it is my turn.

My wife has bugged me for months to get a $49 heart scan, the kind that lets you know if you have plaque in your arteries. One of our relatives had one, and they sent him directly to surgery. It saved his life.

My scan showed that while I have clear arteries, I have something called an ascending aortic aneurysm. Basically, one of the biggest arteries in my body has stretched like a balloon, which could be very dangerous if that stretching continues. Aneurysms can burst, which can be fatal. I think of it like a bulging spot on a tire — if you don’t fix it, you might have a blowout.

I’m in the middle of my first waiting period. After that first scan, I was told I needed a better CAT scan, but it wasn’t available right away, so I have it scheduled for two weeks away.

Meanwhile, I’m consulting with Dr. Google and Dr. YouTube, who tell me that none of this is good news. It seems that the experts have decided that aneurysms that measure 5 cm or larger (about 2 inches) should be surgically repaired. They reported mine right at 5 cm. There is some discussion about the size criteria — some say 5 cm, some say 5.5, and some say even smaller. So the exact size matters, which is why I’m getting a more accurate scan.

The surgery is serious. It is open heart surgery, where they crack the chest and use a heart-lung machine to keep the patient alive while they replace the defective artery. The procedure takes 4-5 hours. I used to be the chaplain on a heart unit, and I know how arduous the recovery is. It takes weeks, and months more before the return of strength and energy.

My reactions to this have been all over the map. We tell people that the most common reactions to a severe stressor are fight, flight, or freeze. My reactions to this have been laugh, cry, or feel faint. I’ve been praying a lot, but I’m not clear about what to pray for. I’ve been thinking about death, and whether I’m closer to it than I thought. I’ve had thoughts about all the things I would still like to do, and all the people I love. I’m a little on edge. (Scratch that. I’m a lot on edge. I got mad at Lisa for the way she loaded the dishwasher.)

Thinking about dying is scary, but it’s not really death itself that bothers me. It’s the pain and embarrassment and weakness and yuckiness that is involved in the process of dying. I want to be independent. I don’t want to get to the point where I can’t think straight, or I need help to do normal tasks.

I also know that this is part of life. There are no guarantees. Greg had cancer, I’m going this weekend to visit a friend who has ALS, and I’ve seen hundreds of others struggle with various illnesses and conditions over my career. Every one of us is on a countdown timer. My aneurysm is opening my eyes to all the ways I love life, and what a blessing it is to be alive. I guess I’ll be wrestling with my heart stuff for a while. I’ll write about it as it develops.

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Even when it is expected, death is a shock. One second, there is life, and the next, the spark is gone and the person we knew is a memory. As the grieving begins, the next shock is that life continues. Bills must be paid, food prepared, and gas put in the car. We take the time that we can to remember, and to be with others who loved him, and to share comfort where we can. But life continues to intervene.

There is value in the rituals that we have created — the funerals and memorial services, the prayers and the cards and the gatherings. They remind us that life is short, and we must share our kindness and our caring while we can. They also allow us to take a moment to contemplate the spiritual questions that we often ignore. What happens next? Is it true that we live on, or did someone make that up?

I choose to believe that death is not the end, that the sentence that is our life is punctuated not with a period, but rather a comma.

The Apostle Paul said it best:

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8: 38-39)

Rest in peace, Greg.

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We don’t really do much. We reposition him, make sure he gets his meds on time, offer him something to eat or drink (which he generally doesn’t want), keep him clean, and sit with him. He isn’t talking much now, so much of our time with him is sitting quietly, or talking to him hoping that he can hear us, or talking to each other. I find myself praying a lot. I pray that he won’t be in pain, I pray for the right words, I pray for peace for his husband and all those who love him.

The root word for “lucid” is the Latin lucere, meaning “to shine” or “to be bright”. This verb traces back to the Latin noun lux, which means “light”. Greg has always been the brightest light in every room he entered, so it is disconcerting to see that light flickering on and off. There are times when it is clear that he is with us, and other times when his eyes may be open, but he is somewhere else. I wonder what he is thinking and feeling. He has always been so sharp — I wish I had some clue about his thoughts in this situation. Is he impatient for his next step? Are we helping or hurting?

Friends are coming from out-of-town, and others from down the street. There is a parade of caring folks who feel the urgency of this time, and want to see him before it is too late. There are so many that they can’t all be accommodated — he just doesn’t have the energy. It’s a time for a lot of memories to be shared, and we’ve been laughing at some of the things Greg has done or said. We’ve also been shedding tears for what’s happened and the wonderful person we are losing. At the same time there is gratitude for an amazing life and the way he has touched each of us.

Some of the most important things that people do during this time are the smallest tasks — loading the dishwasher, cleaning out the refrigerator, making sure that the garbage is out. Lots of visitors bring food, which is a welcome treat. Each small job accomplished is one that Greg’s husband Danny doesn’t have to do, one more moment that they can spend together. It has been a blessing to see all the ways that people want to help.

I’ve been finding myself wondering about all the things we don’t know: How will I die? Will it look like this? What happens next? As much as I have faith in an afterlife, what does that look like? Can we communicate with our loved ones after death? I know many people who swear they have had signs and even messages from deceased loved ones. I’ve had the personal experience of feeling called by God. Is that stuff real, or is it some quirk in our psychological makeup? I don’t know any of these answers.

As we spend time together, emotions are running high. Everyone is waiting on edge for something to happen, looking for a sign of distress, or some change that indicates that things are getting worse. We all know that the eventual outcome will not be good, but this period of waiting feels difficult. I know that no matter how much I try to hide it, I don’t have much patience with others. I don’t want to hear one more comment from someone who doesn’t really know what they’re talking about, or who is just repeating something they read on the internet. I find myself getting short with people, or not giving them as much attention as I should. It’s also exhausting, which adds to my impatience. There is too much to do, and not enough time to do it. Yes, I’m struggling with this, but so is everyone else, each in their own way.

I understand why we spend this time together. This is one way we can give back to someone who gave so much to us. It’s a time to show our respect, a time to deeply feel the emotions around this loss, and to be available to support each other. It’s terrible, and confusing, and lovely all at once.

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And while it is encouraging to see the outpouring of support for the LGBTQ+ community, there is still a great deal of work to be done to ensure human rights for all. There are only 23 states that have enacted laws to protect LGBTQ+ individuals from discrimination in housing. The ACLU is tracking 530 anti-LGBTQ+ state bills across the country. While the right to marry was decided in the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges case, the Supreme Court has been petitioned to overturn this decision by some religious groups such as the Southern Baptist Church and some conservative legal groups. The fight is not over.

Trans rights are under attack in several areas. Some states are trying to ban gender-affirming medical care for youth, and to restrict it for adults. VA hospitals no longer offer therapy, wigs, or prosthetics for transgender Veterans. Government sponsored insurance no longer covers transition surgery. There are attempts in Texas and North Carolina to ban transgender individuals from using public restrooms that they prefer. In Kansas, a bill was passed to ban gender self-identification on driver’s licenses and other identification documents. The fight is not over.

Transgender participation in sports continues to be controversial. Some states have banned trans women from taking part in school events, and more legislation is pending. Social conservatives take advantage of voters’ uncertainty around this issue to make it a prominent campaign focus. The most egregious action that some groups have taken has been to restrict information about the issue. The discussion of sexual orientation and gender identity has been banned in schools in Florida and Texas, all manner of books have been banned, and preferred pronouns that do not correspond to biological sex cannot be used in Idaho, Montana, or Tennessee. The fight is not over.

It wasn’t that long ago — in 1969 — that police felt that they could raid gay bars with impunity. That resulted in the Stonewall Riots, and the beginning of a movement. June is Pride Month, a time to celebrate and a time to remember. But there are about 1.3 million adults and 300,000 children in the U.S. who identify as transgender. Their rights need to be protected, and all of our freedoms need to be preserved. The fight is not over.

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The feeling of nakedness occurs when we are covering something that we don’t want to be revealed. Often these things say something about us that we are not proud of, or that we don’t like. The Wizard of Oz is fully clothed but experiences nakedness when his trickery is revealed, and he continues to try to cover it up, saying, “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” The difference is shown in the story of the Garden of Eden, where prior to their disobedience Adam and Eve were unclothed but didn’t feel naked, but later felt naked and ashamed — not of their bodies, but of their actions.

To feel nakedness requires a feeling of shame. When I wander through the locker room after swimming, there is plenty of nudity, but no one feels naked, so far as I can tell. Shame develops from social standards and practices being stretched or broken. As a culture we work hard to keep the sexes in different boxes, with different rules and expectations.

Upon closer examination, the deeper issue may not be nudity itself, but vulnerability — the experience of being seen, known, and potentially judged by others. Physical exposure becomes psychologically significant because it symbolizes a more profound form of exposure: the possibility that others may see who we truly are and find us lacking.

At the heart of shame lies this fear of judgment. The anxiety surrounding nakedness is not merely fear of the body, but fear that one’s choices, character, or identity may be evaluated and condemned. Shame emerges when a person perceives themselves as differing from a cultural or personal expectation. In this sense, shame is relational and social; it depends upon standards that exist within communities, families, or moral systems.

However, not all shame necessarily reflects truth. If a culture imposes arbitrary or unhealthy expectations, a person may experience shame even while acting rightly. In such cases, shame can become misleading. Rather than signaling moral failure, it may simply reveal internalized social pressure. This has often occurred in some religious communities, who were critical of a particular sexual orientation or political view. When a person is genuinely acting in accordance with what is right, the more appropriate response may not be shame at all, but indignation toward false or distorted standards.

Invisibility

For many people, the fear of nakedness pushes them to try to be invisible. Sit in the back row so you won’t be called on, follow the crowd so that you blend in, and never, ever make waves. The difficulty with this strategy is that by not being seen, it is likely that you will not have to experience nakedness, but you also will not be selected — for a project, or a promotion, or even a relationship.

This leads naturally to the question of shame’s opposite. Confidence, innocence, dignity, and acceptance all offer partial contrasts, yet integrity may stand as the truest opposite of shame. Integrity reflects an alignment between the self and moral reality. It is not merely self-acceptance or social approval, but the experience of living consistently with personal values grounded in objective morality.

Human beings deeply desire to be fully known. There exists a longing to be known by another person, by God, and even by oneself. The tension between concealment and openness lies near the center of human existence: people simultaneously fear exposure and hunger for authentic recognition. To be fully known takes courage. We have to make ourselves vulnerable in order to be seen, and therefore subject to the opinions of others. If we don’t take this step, we will be relatively safe, but will not be all that we can be.

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Wherever I first saw it, his art has become one of my favorites, and I started to seek it out. I went to his glassblowing workshop in Tacoma, Washington when my son was living in Seattle. Just recently I saw a very large show of his work at the Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The number of pieces on display both indoors and in the park is overwhelming.

In 1962, Chihuly began studying art in Florence. He started glassblowing in 1965, and received a scholarship to attend the University of Wisconsin-Madison, where he earned an MS in sculpture. In 1976 he was involved in a head-on car accident that resulted in him becoming blind in one eye. Since that time he has famously worn an eyepatch.

His artworks range from naturalistic to otherworldly. Some of my favorite pieces remind me of sea creatures, but in wild colors. He has developed a technique for drawing on glass using glass of a different color, and has incorporated glass into fiber art in some installations. The pieces also come in a variety of sizes, from kitchen bowls to giant outdoor pillars.

Chihuly gets negative reviews from some people who find the work repetitive, or who criticize it because he doesn’t make every piece himself. He hurt his shoulder in a surfing accident, so cannot hold the heavy glassblowing tube. He now supervises over 100 artists who blow the glass and shape it to his specifications. For every negative review, however, there are many effusive ones. It is reported that he has a net worth of over $10 million, with some of his individual pieces selling for more than $50,000.

Chihuly is experimental and meticulous. Several walls of the exhibition at Meijer Gardens were covered with his sketches and instructions to his team of glass artists. Part of his genius is finding ways to create these elaborate structures such that they don’t fall apart.

When I visited his studio in Tacoma, I was able to see a small part of the elaborate process that goes into creating one of his works. The art is distinctive. I can tell right away when I see a Chihuly. And once you see one, you can’t stop seeing more — he has over 400 permanent exhibitions around the world, and many more temporary ones. I hope you get to see an exhibition. I’m looking forward to the next time.

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And the flowers come out. Trees bud, the landscape turns green, and color is everywhere. In Holland, Michigan, it is time for the annual Tulip Time Festival.

The Tulip Time Festival began in 1929, as residents of Holland gave homage to their Dutch heritage, and started celebrating. There are wooden shoe dancers, a quilt show, a fine art exhibit (winners can be seen here), a Tulip Time run, and several parades. The city plants hundreds of thousands of tulip bulbs each year, and the results are spectacular. Fields of brightly colored flowers can be found in many of the city parks, and tulips are planted in houses on every street.

The festival was cancelled for the first time in 2020 due to COVID, but returned in 2021. Thousands of visitors head to Holland to join the fun. We headed to Holland for this year’s festivities, and had a good time (although the two-hour long parade was a little much for me). It was fun to see a full-size windmill and to eat some of the local fare.

The Tulip Time Festival has been named “The Best Small-Town Festival in America” by Readers Digest. It is worth a trip.

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There have been many more since then — Lamb Chop became famous as a character on Captain Kangaroo, and of course the most famous sock puppet of them all is Kermit the frog, created by Jim Henson, and improved by various technologies that allowed him to walk and dance. They say that Henson was inspired by some of the earlier TV shows.

At about the same age, I had a teddy bear named Timmy that I had made during a class project at school. It wasn’t fancy — just two pieces of cloth sewn together with yarn. My teacher had even pre-punched holes in the cloth, so we wouldn’t have to really sew, just push the yarn through the holes. We stuffed these bears with cotton, sewed them up, and once I drew a slanted smile on his face it became one of my cherished toys.

Sock Monkey

I was surprised to learn that one particular kind of stuffed toy which was part sock puppet and part teddy bear has a deep connection to Illinois. This is the sock monkey.

A sock monkey is traditionally made with a pair of red-heeled Rockford work socks. The socks are the Nelson Knitting Mill’s red-heeled socks, and the red heel becomes the mouth of the monkey. In 1869 John Nelson of Rockford, Illinois developed the first seamless sock-knitting machine. In 1932 the company added a red heel that became famous. During the depression, the sock monkey became all the rage as these toys could be made at home.

There is even a Sock Monkey Museum (sockmonkeymuseum.com) in Long Grove, Illinois. They display over 2000 different sock monkeys, and visitors can make their own on site. Not to be outdone, the Midway Village Museum (midwayvillage.com) in Rockford hosts an annual Sock Monkey Madness Festival, including — of course — a sock hop.

There is something sweet about the idea of old socks being repurposed during the depression to make toys for children. It relates to our creativity and the sentimental value of a childhood memory. The world can feel very complicated now, but there is still something to be said for simple pleasures.

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There are entire books related to the idea of social interest, so I’m not going to go into much detail here except to say that in general social interest is about improving the world. This sounds like an impossible task at first, but the idea is that it is done just a little at a time by a lot of people. It doesn’t have to be a huge project. Choosing to make one person’s life better does it.

Social interest means the ability to see oneself as part of the human community, care about others, cooperate, and contribute in some meaningful way. Adler talks about having “an interest in the interests of others.”

As I look at our world today, there are an awful lot of places where social interest seems to be missing. So many of the people making headlines are out to advance only their own interests and increase their own wealth. This selfishness and the associated narrow view of the world is harming our society and fragmenting our communities.

The social interest that Adler advocates requires something different — selflessness, or even sacrifice in the service of a greater good. Adler was not a Christian, but some of these same themes show up in the Bible.

If you look at the lives of the saints, you don’t have to be a person of faith to recognize that there is something special going on in their lives. Their belief was that they were making sacrifices, living simply and even facing death, so that others could be saved. Sometimes their sacrifices cost them everything. In these stories of the saints we see powerful examples of people who lived for others.

You don’t have to go that far back to see similar examples: Martin Luther King, Jr., John Lewis, first responders during 9/11, smokejumpers, and those elected officials who vote for unpopular bills are all making sacrifices for others. Think about some others: People who donate a kidney to a co-worker, mothers who get up in the middle of the night to care for a sick child, or volunteers at homeless shelters. These are the people that make the world go ‘round.

The next time you are feeling down or are looking for something to do, you might ask yourself one of these questions: Does this increase connection? Does this help life move forward? How can I be of service? The answers might just lead you into a better way of living, as your own social interest is developed.

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There are other days when everything seems to be going okay for me, but I hear about something awful happening in another part of the world. A bridge collapses, or a tornado hits. Even worse are those times when I find out that our country has decided that what we want is more important than the life of a child who is in the way when we drop a bomb. Those actions that I don’t understand kick all the appreciation right out of me.

Then there are the normal days. The days when I go to work, or sit down to write, and things generally go according to plan. If I don’t pay attention, I won’t do much appreciating on those days either. I’ll be paying attention to whatever I’m doing, or wherever I’m driving, and those things will take up all my bandwidth.

I am mistaken on those days. I’ve missed it.

There was an opportunity on even the worst of these days to notice something good. And I missed it by not paying attention. Appreciation is related to mindfulness and noticing what is going on in the moment. We can still be grateful later on, looking back, but in that moment something happened that I could have enjoyed and appreciated, and I didn’t. I should know better.

When Paul wrote to the church in Thessalonika, he had been beaten, imprisoned, threatened, and had every reason to be discouraged. But he wasn’t. In fact, the opposite — he was giving thanks. My belief is that his gratitude was due to his faith. Even people who don’t believe the same way that Paul did can benefit from gratitude, however.

There are a variety of studies that show that gratitude improves subjective well-being. It’s not that hard to improve your sense of appreciation. Chade-Meng Tan is an engineer who worked for Google. He talks about finding “thin slices of joy” every day. These can be anything from noticing the comfort of sitting in a chair to enjoying a sip of water when you are thirsty. These experiences may only last a few seconds, but over time and with practice, you begin to notice that they occur very frequently. This is a way to experience more gratitude in your life.

There are plenty of other ways that you can add to the times you are appreciative in your life.

• Journal about things that you are grateful for.

• Think about someone you are grateful for.

• Write down 3 things you are grateful for before bed each night.

• Write some thank you notes.

All of these exercises put you in a state of gratitude.

During this season, I’m reminded more frequently to be grateful. The buds and the blooms help me to see a little differently. Take a walk, and pick a few things to be grateful for along the way.

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The truth is, there is no “just” involved. Everyone is different, and their concerns are often complex. One person heard that I use hypnosis for some patients, and wanted me to treat their obsession with checking the locks and doors in their house every night before going to bed. His wife was getting frustrated because he would spend almost an hour going outside, trying the doors, coming back inside, checking the locks on the doors and windows, and then repeating the process. He “just” wanted to get hypnotized so this behavior would go away. What he didn’t mention when he made the appointment was that he had been stationed in Iraq at a forward outpost that had been attacked in the middle of the night, or that his first apartment when he returned to the states was robbed while he was at work. When I told him he likely needed treatment for PTSD, he said, “So you can’t fix this today?” No, I said, it would take more time. His issue was too complex. He never came back.

Many of the problems that we face in this world are not simple. Political issues are not simple. If they were, we would all have cheap health care and safe streets at night. Peace in the world is another example. If we could all just become non-violent overnight, things would be much better. But conflict occurs for a great variety of reasons. Resources are not distributed equally. People can be ruthless or illogical. It turns out that these problems are not complicated, exactly, either. Instead, they are complex problems. Let’s look at the differences:

Simple processes

A simple process is like putting together a piece of furniture from Ikea. There are instructions, and if you follow them closely, the great majority of the time you will end up with a table or a cabinet or whatever. Parts of the process may fail, like a screw may break, but there will be a clear reason for the failure, and the fix will be easy to identify. In simple systems, there may be a number of steps to follow, but the result will always be the same. If you put piece A into slot B, you will get a table. In simple systems, cause leads to effect.

Complicated processes

A complicated process has many of the same characteristics as a simple process, but the number of steps required for the desired outcome is much greater. Building an airplane or a car or a computer is complicated. Most of the time the process is broken down in to a series of parts. While it may take thousands of operations to complete, if the instructions are followed exactly, the end result will be a Maserati or a rocket ship or an iPhone, much like the Ikea furniture. Complicated questions have a limited number of answers.

Complex processes

A complex process has unlimited complexity, with a huge number of variables. There is no cookbook solution, no matter how complicated, that will do. The human brain, the stock market, and politics are all complex processes. You can make the same exact change to these systems multiple times and get different results each time. Why can’t we make traffic flow at a consistent speed all the time? Why can’t we cure cancer or the common cold? Why do weather forecasters get it wrong so frequently? The answer to all these questions is that these are complex systems, and there will never be a guarantee of success. To engage in a complex problem, it requires a lot of adaptation to change as it occurs, experience in dealing with the problem at hand, some artistry, and possibly a little luck. This is why we value people who have expertise in areas like medicine, law, and natural sciences. Their experience can lead to better solutions even in the face of complexity.

Some of the messiness of a complex process comes from the fact that small changes can have large effects that are unpredictable. All of the parts of a complex process feed into each other and can create loops that multiply the effect of a small change. Complex processes can’t be solved, like complicated ones. They have to be managed, which requires human expertise and the flexibility to make decisions on the fly as the system is working.

Managing Complexity

The biggest difficulty that many of us have in facing a complex problem is the uncertainty involved. Unlike a complicated problem, we can never be sure that we are doing exactly the right thing, or that the problem will ever be solved. Think about raising a child. We do the best we can, but our kids are eventually on their own.

As our world gets ever more complex, we are going to have to get used to living in a gray area. This may help explain why so many people are polarized — being on one side or the other is more comfortable than being in the middle, where the messy reality is.

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On the first Tuesday of every month, we have a peace vigil at our church. We pray, we share some thoughts, we read poetry, and we sing a capella. It doesn’t feel like enough, but it is something.

While we pray, bombs drop. The president says, “a whole civilization will die tonight” if Iran doesn’t give in to his demands. These sound like the words of a villain in a comic book. It is Lex Luthor with bad hair, or an overweight Riddler.

Our problem is that we have no superhero to fly in and cuff him. While the ordinary people of Iran suffer, our Congress does nothing to stop him, and is even considering giving him more money for missiles and drones.

During our prayers, I think about the people in Iran who are dying. Does our unstable leader believe that they are a threat? Do they have as much sway over their government as we do? If so, then we are targeting the innocents, because even with a large majority of the U.S. opposed to this war, we haven’t found a way to stop it. So we pray, and we feel betrayed.

What Trump is doing is criminal. Targeting civilian infrastructure is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. The Conventions get quite specific: article 52 says that civilian objects shall not be the object of attack, and article 54 prohibits attacking objects indispensable to civilian survival like food, water, and agriculture. Yet these are the very targets that Trump threatened.

Years ago our human society decided that it is wrong to say “All is fair in love and war.” People who hold to this proverb are saying that achieving their goals is worth any cost, even the cost of their own integrity. This is what we are witnessing today. Trump may achieve his goal of destroying Iran’s military ability, and his goal of enriching himself, but the cost has been extraordinarily high — the loss of allegiances with countries that have lasted for decades, the loss of credibility in foreign relations, the development of new enemies who may become future threats, and the loss in some quarters for the respect of human life. We are already seeing some of the effects of his erratic behavior, as no one knows whether they can trust the cease fire agreement that was pulled together at the last minute.

In America we feel this as a shift in our pride. While it may not be completely lost, and there may be some who are thrilled by our demonstrations of military power, for many in our country we no longer have the deep sense that we are on the right side of history. There is now an uncertainty, a question about whether we have stepped back from being “a beacon on the hill” to something less — just one more competitor scrabbling for power and control.

Our prayers help us to remember that there is something more that is worth working for, and even sacrificing for — goodness, righteousness, justice, and peace. A certain part of our leadership considers this naive. They believe that only power and might will win in the end. It is sad that we don’t hear about the ambition to be honorable or admirable any more. It is heartbreaking that empathy is no longer valued. We only hear about winning or losing. What people with that perspective don’t realize is that they have already lost.

So we keep praying, and we add the zero-sum gamers to our list. Please join us. Say a prayer today — something like, “Thy will be done.” Or if you don’t believe in prayer, maybe you could write a letter to Congress. That’s a kind of prayer too.

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There were still many complaints about our immigration system and the violent tactics used by ICE. The signs read “ICE out now,” and “Melt the ICE.”

Other issues were the war in Iran: “Stop the war,” “Peace now,” and “Make love, not war.”

Medicare: “Healthcare for all,” “Hands off my Medicare.”

Inflation

Fascism, Democracy

Epstein Files

The common denominator is our president, and his disregard for the rule of law.

I attend these rallies not in the hope that our leader will actually change anything, but that those in Congress will recognize that their political careers will be short-lived if they don’t resist the worst of his impulsive actions. Showing the numbers of those who disagree with our current policies will at least make some lawmakers take pause before they vote.

I think I also go because it helps me to see that I am not alone, that there are many other people who agree with some of my opinions, and that there is hope for change.

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Carl Jung talks about the “red thread” that weaves its way through a person’s life. This is the common element that links the different parts of the journey. It might show up as a clear theme that is easy to see or as an unconscious movement that expresses itself in values, choices, character, or preferences. When someone identifies this kind of connection, a fuzzy picture can become clearer; a seemingly disconnected group of events begin to take on new meaning.

This can be an important part of a therapeutic process. The right questions can lead to a self-discovery that feels both surprising and familiar at the same time.

The red thread can be hard to find. Writer and storyteller Mark Yaconelli writes, “None of us are as we appear. Almost every story we tell of ourselves is too small. No matter how epic, most stories seek to reduce, explain, control. They leave something out in the telling. The long periods of time stuck, confused, bored. The contradictory actions and feelings that make us appear fuzzy and untrustworthy. We tend to live in the in-between, the space between the story we tell and the story we are actually living. The work is to integrate the two.”

When we look hard at the boring parts of our lives, at the mundane habits and unclear choices, the thread can sometimes make an appearance. I had a client who saw me after a long and decorated military career. After he retired, he tried to make sense of some of his choices. He had many more lucrative opportunities, but he chose to work at a party store where they sold decorations and games. His wife and friends thought it was beneath him. Late at night, he liked to watch cartoons. His favorite lunch was a peanut butter and banana sandwich. One day he was describing a particularly tense battle that he had been involved with when he said, “Blam! Blam! We got em!” It sounded out of character, so I asked about it. It turned out that he used to have play battles with his friends in his backyard, and they would yell like that at each other. Around that same time his parents died in a car accident. He had missed out on much of his childhood, and had to grow up much too fast. His red thread — the common theme that ran through his life — was that he was trying to do things that he missed as a little boy. This realization came as a shock. “I think I’ve been playing at being an army man my whole life,” he said.

Some threads are more subtle. Avoiding conflict can influence choices of all kinds. Some people look back and wonder why they didn’t push for a promotion, but that could have led to a confrontation. They may begin to question other times when they gave up on something that they desired.

A good therapist may be of help in uncovering themes or patterns, but this is also an undertaking that you can begin by yourself. Here are some ways to help find your red thread:

• Look for repetition. Are there situations that keep showing up?

• What has been important? Can you identify those events in your life that have been particularly important? What led to this event?

• Ask others. How do those who know you well describe you?

• Identify consistency. Do you frequently have the same emotional response to different situations?

Finding your red thread can assist you to avoid unconscious habits and live a more authentic life. The difference can be like turning on a light in a dark room.

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Staying

I stayed a day too long.

I thought I needed the time, to pack, to clean up loose ends, to tidy up.

But I was ready to go.

My mind was already getting picked up, in a hug, on the other end.

I became resentful of the time. Another night, another meal, another plate to wash.

The visit that had been neatly arranged became spoiled, like a first date with nothing more to say. It wasn’t fun anymore. My memories were running toward the swamp.

I vowed to remember the next time.

But I know myself. I don’t like to be rushed.

I would rather catch the next train than run for this one.

So I will stay too long the next time, and the time after that.

If only I can learn to avoid staying too long when it is time to really go.

It Takes a While

It takes a while to figure out what love is.

It hides sometimes.

It may look like one thing and be another.

The view may be a mirage, or maybe a miracle.

It changes shape and depth and consistency over time.

It can be tougher than it looks at first, or suddenly more fragile.

What at first is opaque can become transparent after the gilded surface is worn away.

What people who separate never discover is that the character of love changes over time. The annoying things become just part of the background, and the kindness buried deep comes bubbling to the surface.

The rushing water of life scrubs away the superficial things that attracted you like the cuteness of every child.

At some point the only thing left is the grace of one who has become part of you, and you of them.

On the Side of the Road

A deer stuck its head out on the side of the fast road.

Not enough to do anything, just curious.

I didn’t even have to slow, but I wondered about the deer.

Would it ever see the other side?

Did the seeing answer its questions, or make more?

Was it happy now?

It ate a leaf and took a pee to sacramentalize the occasion.

I think that’s how these things begin.

As I sat down the pew creaked, and I imagined it was a sign.

I heard the words, but couldn’t find the right page.

Then the sun broke through the stained glass, and my bladder felt full.

The Joy of Discovery

I am tired of words that I know.

The new words I find in my language sound pretentious, and I don’t like them.

In a different country, each new phrase is a surprise and a connection. They are everyday words, but new to me.

I grow like a web from passage to passage.

The people around me become more real. My ignorance is revealed, and I become more than I was with each idea.

I go home, and I see differently. I find that the people have followed me. And the words. The old words have been polished to a bright new shine.

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Apocalyptic writing relies on vivid imagery—beasts, angels, cosmic battles, and symbolic numbers—to communicate theological truths about God’s justice and the ultimate triumph of good over evil. Because of this symbolism, Revelation has always been difficult to interpret.

Throughout history, some readers have attempted to treat the book as a roadmap for predicting the exact timing of Christ’s return. These predictions have repeatedly failed. In the twentieth century Hal Lindsey’s The Late Great Planet Earth argued that the end of the world was imminent. Jerry Falwell suggested Christ might return around the year 2000. Even Isaac Newton attempted to calculate the date of the Second Coming, proposing the year 2060. Popular novels such as Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins’ Left Behind series brought this style of interpretation into mainstream culture by imagining the rapture and a final global battle called Armageddon.

The Current Misuse

People are free to hold whatever religious views they wish. The difficulty arises when government officials begin presenting these interpretations as justification for public policy—especially war.

Since the beginning of the war in Iran, the Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) reports receiving more than 200 complaints from U.S. service members about religious rhetoric used by military leaders. According to these complaints, some commanders have described the conflict in explicitly biblical terms, framing it as part of the “end times” or even as a divinely ordained “holy war.”

One report described a combat unit commander telling troops that the conflict was “part of God’s divine plan,” and that President Trump had been “anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth.” (“US troops were told war on Iran was ‘all part of God’s divine plan’, watchdog alleges,” The Guardian, March 8, 2026; Democracy Now!, March 9, 2026.)

If such statements are occurring in official military contexts, they raise serious concerns—both theological and constitutional.

Theological Concerns

The interpretation of current geopolitical events as steps toward Armageddon reflects a particular theological framework often associated with modern dispensationalist end-times theology. While influential in some evangelical circles, this approach is not the dominant view across global Christianity.

The majority of Christian traditions—including Catholic, Orthodox, and many Protestant theologians—have long rejected attempts to identify contemporary political events with specific prophetic timelines.

In fact, Jesus himself explicitly warned against such speculation. In the Gospel of Matthew he says:

“But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”

—Matthew 24:36

For most of Christian history, theologians have therefore urged humility when interpreting apocalyptic passages. Augustine, writing in the fifth century, cautioned believers against attempting to calculate the timing of the end. The purpose of apocalyptic texts, he argued, was not to provide a timetable for history but to encourage faithfulness and perseverance in difficult times.

When military leaders present modern wars as part of God’s apocalyptic plan, they move far beyond responsible interpretation of scripture.

Constitutional Concerns

Beyond theological disagreement, the use of apocalyptic religious rhetoric by government officials raises serious constitutional questions.

The Establishment Clause of the First Amendment prohibits the government from endorsing or promoting a particular religious belief. When officials acting in their official capacity present a war as the fulfillment of biblical prophecy, they risk crossing that constitutional line.

Such statements can create several problems:

• They promote a specific religious interpretation of scripture.

• They may pressure soldiers who hold different beliefs—or no religious belief at all.

• They occur within a rigid hierarchical structure where disagreement with superiors may feel professionally risky.

Courts have long been especially cautious about religious messaging within the military because of this power imbalance. Service members cannot easily walk away from their commanders.

Justice Stephen Breyer summarized the broader purpose of the religion clauses when he wrote that they were meant to “avoid religiously based social conflict” and preserve the separation of church and state (American Legion v. American Humanist Association, 139 S. Ct. 2067, 2090–91 (2019) (Breyer, J., concurring)).

When military leaders frame war as part of God’s plan for the end of the world, they risk entangling government power with sectarian belief in exactly the way the Constitution was designed to prevent.

The Moral Burden on Soldiers

Theological distortion in wartime rhetoric also affects the moral lives of the soldiers themselves.

From my own work with veterans, it is clear that military service already places extraordinary moral burdens on those who serve. Soldiers must reconcile their actions with their consciences, the laws of war, and their own ethical or religious commitments.

Professional military ethics therefore emphasize discipline, legality, and restraint rather than ideological zeal.

When leaders frame combat as participation in God’s end-times plan, they risk shifting soldiers’ moral framework away from duty and law toward a sense of sacred mission. That shift can be dangerous.

International humanitarian law—including the Geneva Conventions—depends on combatants recognizing the humanity of their enemies and maintaining limits even in extreme circumstances. Apocalyptic rhetoric, by contrast, tends to portray conflicts as absolute battles between good and evil in which ordinary restraints may appear irrelevant.

Recent comments from Secretary Hegseth only deepen these concerns. He reportedly stated: “We will keep pressing, we will keep pushing, keep advancing. No quarter, no mercy for our enemies.”

As reporter Matt Novak has noted, “no quarter” historically means refusing to take prisoners and instead killing enemy combatants outright. For more than a century, such declarations have been recognized as violations of the laws of war. Former U.S. government war-crimes lawyer Brian Finucane likewise observed that “[d]enial of quarter—even the declaration of no quarter—is a war crime.” (Heather Cox Richardson, Letters from an American, March 13, 2026.)

When apocalyptic religious rhetoric merges with language that dismisses legal restraints on warfare, the result is deeply troubling.

Why People of Faith Should Speak Up

Apocalyptic language has always exerted a strange fascination on human imagination. It promises certainty in uncertain times and cosmic meaning in the chaos of history.

But when that language migrates from the pulpit into the chain of command, it becomes dangerous.

The Constitution forbids the government from declaring a religious interpretation of world events. The Christian tradition warns believers against claiming to know God’s timetable. And military ethics insist that war must remain subject to law and restraint.

Apocalyptic rhetoric ignores all three.

Wars should never be fought in the name of prophecy. They should never be justified as steps toward Armageddon. And soldiers should never be told they are instruments of the end of the world.

The task before us is difficult enough: preserving a society where faith remains free, government remains accountable, and the terrible power of war remains constrained by law and conscience.

That task demands clear thinking—not end times mania.

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I’m focusing on behavior, and a lack of respect. This was demonstrated during the last two State of the Union addresses when members of the audience yelled out “Liar!” during the speech. It can be seen in classrooms across the nation, where kids are talking back to their teachers, on airplanes where passengers refuse to follow instructions, or at youth sporting events where parents are verbally abusing volunteer umpires and referees. Some restaurants now charge for reservations to ensure that diners show up, and servers are often treated poorly. It’s also a factor in police brutality and the treatment of refugees. All of this shows a basic lack of respect.

There are two basic definitions of respect: the first is a feeling of admiration, usually based on the abilities or achievements of another. We might respect the athleticism of Michael Jordan, or the acting ability of Meryl Streep. The second definition refers to behavior, and is the focus of this post. This type of respect is having due regard for the feelings, rights, and traditions of another.

In order to show due regard, we have to have some understanding of those with whom we are interacting. If we don’t know that cows are sacred in India, we won’t be able to show them the proper respect. This same kind of understanding is needed for all those who don’t share our traditions. To operate with respect, we need both education and empathy.

When we are aware that we aren’t familiar with the situation in which we find ourselves, it makes sense to be more polite than usual. This will usually reduce the number of social mistakes that we make, and thus improve the respect that we are showing. Of course, in order to use this strategy, one must understand how to be polite in the first place.

There will be some who say that not everyone deserves respect. The 18th century German philosopher, Immanuel Kant, argued that all persons deserve respect simply because they are human. This has become a core element of modern humanism. It is also stated another way in Christian circles as all deserve respect as all are children of God. In the Declaration of Independence, we say “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all [men] are created equal…” It is a fundamental concern if this is no longer considered self-evident.

It is often a lack of respect that fuels animosity between opponents. This is true of politicians, countries, sports teams, and many others. While mutual respect will not eliminate all disputes, it may allow for more fruitful communication between the parties.

One of the most significant differences from the past in our political discourse is a profound lack of respect. This is not to say that insults were not hurled in the past. But there was a shared understanding that a certain amount of respect was due to an elder, or one who had labored in a job for a long period, or one who had been promoted to a high position. Now four star generals, or anyone who disagrees with the administration, are treated like something to wipe off your shoe.

We recognize a problem in our children when they show a lack of respect to authority or even to other kids. We applaud efforts to try to teach them respect, and we reinforce these efforts by telling them that they should obey their teachers and respect their elders. A little later in life, this seems to get lost.

How do we develop this basic value? There have been programs designed with respect as a principle tenet, and they have been used successfully in organizations around the country. Unfortunately, these are diversity, equity, and inclusion programs, which are now out of favor in our government. They seek to promote the fair treatment and full participation of all people, particularly groups who have historically been underrepresented or subject to discrimination based on identity or disability. One of the things that they teach is respect for differences. Now even these important teachings aren’t getting any respect.

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“Boardwalk,” he said. “That’s the key.”

Okay. I played my normal game, picking up properties as I landed on them. He was the banker, so he carefully counted out the money I gave him for each deed.

We started slowly. We bought a few odds and ends, but neither of us were rolling well. Pretty soon he announced a banker’s tax of $20 on each transaction. “Twenty bucks?” “Yup.”

I got all three of the red streets, so I started to build some houses. One more trip around the board, and it was time to buy another house. “Bank’s closed,” he said.

“What? You can’t do that.”

“Sure I can. It’s my game.”

I tried to explain how it works. The rules. Fairness. “It’s my game,” he said.

Okay. I’m an adult. I can humor him. He’s only 7.

We played some more. He got all the green streets, and the bank was suddenly open again.

“I think we should check with your Mom.”

“Go ahead,” he said, with more confidence than I anticipated.

When his Mom came in the room, we talked. I asked, “Don’t you think we should be following the rules?” He grinned as she rubbed his hair.

“Oh, we don’t have to be sticklers. He’s just learning.”

He’s learning, all right.

The bank opened and closed. He made a fortune on Pacific Ave., and it seemed like I landed there every other turn. He bought up all the houses, so there was a building shortage. Even when the bank was open, I couldn’t buy houses.

“I’ll sell you some houses,” he said. Wait. Could you do that? This was new to me. “$4000 each,” he said.

“No way!”

But that was his price. I didn’t bite.

The game was going long, and he was getting impatient. I could wait him out.

“Final bell,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“We go around until one of us lands on Boardwalk. Then we count our money. The most money wins.”

I had never heard of this, but whatever. I was getting tired of this game.

It turns out I was the one who landed on Boardwalk, so we started our count. As I was tallying up my bills, he pulled some 500s out from under the board. “I win,” he said.

I never had a chance.

And that’s how we ended up with development projects in Venezuela, Gaza, Iran, Greenland, and parts of Africa.

He said, “Another game?”

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While Robbins touts her book as a breakthrough, radical acceptance is not a new idea. It has been around since the time of Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, Stoic philosophers who both talked about accepting what cannot be controlled. They lived at the beginning of the Christian era, and emphasized that acceptance of fate is a key part of the path to inner peace. This thinking was incorporated into Buddhism in around the 6th century.

It’s interesting that psychology has developed a variety of ways to use acceptance in clinical treatments. In the 1940s psychologist Carl Rogers emphasized unconditional positive regard which focused on accepting the person as they are. This became a core part of many humanistic therapies. It was later explicitly included in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven C. Hayes in the 1980s. ACT works by helping people to accept difficult thoughts and feelings while continuing to move forward in their lives.

This idea can work well in our personal lives. As we move out in concentric circles to wider spheres — family, community, state, nation, and world — things get more complicated, and “let them” becomes not only harder to do, but often means losing rights and moving away from personal values. Allowing others to make laws and regulations becomes onerous. In these wider contexts, “let them” means giving up or giving in, and most of us aren’t willing to do that.

Sometimes I wish others would follow this advice. I’d love it if conservative Christians would just let other people be who they are: gay, trans, or otherwise. It would be great if women could choose what to do with their own bodies. Just let them. And why do we have to eliminate DEI programs? It seems like we should let companies be able to do what works for them.

Of course, this is why “let them” is just an interesting thought, and not a practical way to behave outside of particular situations. Everyone seems to know how others should live, and then wants to inscribe their beliefs in law to force others to do things their way. Everything is all rainbows and beautiful music until someone decides that your backyard would make a good toxic waste site. Then you really don’t want to let them.

There are plenty of times when you need to stand up for yourself, particularly if you or those you love are faced with harmful or abusive behavior. Then you should not “let them,” but rather engage in confrontation and advocacy, even going to the authorities if necessary. One difficulty that Robbins doesn’t address is how to decide when to be passive and when to act. This may be because she just does what she wants in each situation.

Robbins is trained as a lawyer. In this book, her advice ranges from relationships to parenting to psychological change theory. I think maybe the biggest problem that Robbins has is a lack of a moral foundation. How does she decide when to “let them” and when to act to stop them? It’s just up to each individual to decide. In a recent interview she was asked, “Who or what is your moral compass?” Robbins’s answer was immediate: “Me. I’m my moral compass.” (Sound familiar?) She continued to say that there were no external influences on her moral calculus. (Morality requires other people, Peter W. Marty, The Christian Century, March 2026 p. 1)

In the political sphere, this is a particularly bad time to embrace the “let them theory.” Much of what MAGA followers are doing is wrong — people are being harmed, traditional values are being upended (see my post Basic Ethics), and valued institutions are being destroyed. If we “let them” we are allowing global warming to get worse, making it harder for some citizens to vote, and approving the use of military-style power against ordinary people.

It may be better to use some ancient wisdom to choose when to act. Years ago, Reinhold Niebuhr put it this way:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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